a page of my opinions
Newt's Legacy, Frankly
4/1/99
Now that Newt has left Washington and crawled back under his
rock, it's time for a dispassionate appraisal of his legacy. I
will propose that he won't be remembered as much for his mean,
nasty nature, or for any so-called "Republican
Revolution," or for that matter for any policy whatsoever. I
can write Newt's legacy in one word: frankly.
I began noticing three or four years ago that every third or
fourth word out of his mouth was "frankly." What do you
think of the Democrats, Mr. Gingrich? "Frankly, they are
leading America to instant destruction." Will you support
the President in Somalia? "Frankly, the President has no
policy." Again and again, in nearly every sentence.
Now my ears prick up when I hear someone use, overuse, and
misuse a word. It soon became clear to me that, to Newt,
"frankly" meant that he was about to tell a lie. How
perfectly Orwellian! Then I began to notice others of his party
use the word. All his little minions were spouting out
"frankly" in every utterance. Armey, Archer, Barr,
whoever, it was all "frankly." It reminded me of
Melville's great short story, "Bartleby, the
Scrivener," in which everyone in the law office starts to
say "prefer" over and over, echoing Bartleby's "I
would prefer not to." All over Washington, everyone has
caught the "frankly" disease. I even heard President
Clinton use it last night in an interview with Dan Rather! Run
for the hills, "frankly" has jumped parties!
So that, I propose, is Newt's real legacy. Years from now,
when he is not even an unpleasant memory anymore, we will still
have "frankly." Like another Yankee who came to Georgia
to get whatever profit he could, Newt may not, frankly, give a
damn. But I sure find it interesting (frankly).
The Fat Lady Has Sung!
2/15/99
The fat lady has sung, finally! (And she sure does look a lot
like John Goodman...)
Like everyone in America (except perhaps Ken Starr, Tim
Russert, and such types), I'm relieved that it's over. It will
take some time to sort out the whole sordid mess and see where
the bodies fall. What I found interesting was my own reaction. I
heard the vote on NPR while driving down the interstate. When the
acquittal came, I didn't feel any elation at
"victory"--just a kind of emptiness.
I remember feeling exactly the same way when Nixon got on
that helicopter and waved goodbye to the White House. I had
thought I would feel glee that this hateful, lying creature had
been banished. But I only felt a kind of numbness.
What President Clinton did was wrong. Everybody knows that.
But it wasn't grounds for impeachment. Many people also know
that. (It was also stupid. Everybody knows that, too.) What the
Republicans did was wrong, too. And stupid. (If they don't know
that already, they'll find out when they lose control of the
House, and maybe the Senate.)
So we've been through over a year of wrong and stupid. No
wonder I felt so numb!
Those Darn Republicans!
2/4/99
It's been two months since I last wrote anything
about the Washington mess. Even though we all just wanted it to
go away, those darn Republicans just had to keep on keeping on. I
was one of the few Americans who actually watched and/or listened
to the impeachment debates. Those darn Republicans are the most
hypocritical, sanctimonious bunch to roam the earth since the
days of the Pharisees. "Rule of law" my foot! This had
to do with getting the president, pure and simple, over stupid
and irresponsible acts that nevertheless had nothing to do with
the governing of the United States. Heck, the president kept on
doing government business while the deed was being done! How's
that for compartmentalizing?
As I've said before, the American people are way
ahead of those darn Republicans. We know what this is about. So
some time in the next week, those darn Republicans will get their
vote, and they will lose. Then they should leave town for a few
days and roam among the people. Maybe then they'll figure this
thing out and get back to the business of getting in the way of
the government's business.
Words and Phrases I Would Ban From the English
Language If I Had the Authority
12/4/98
1. no-brainer
2. bean counter
3. "Been there, done that!"
4. "Don't go there!"
5. utilize
6. "grow the economy"
7. anyone "getting their groove back"
8. from telemarketers: courtesy call
9. end result
10. said of a TV show: all new
11. same old same old
12. 24/7
13. veggies
14. happy camper
15. new and improved (if it's new, it's not improved; if it's
improved, it's not new)
16. win-win situation
[I will add to list as I think of them!]
What a Wacky World!
12/4/98
It's been a long time since I wrote anything on the whole
mess that we're all so sick of hearing about that I won't even
say what it is, but wow! The election confirmed what I've been
saying about the Republicans going too far, but way beyond even
my expectations. If somebody had told me when the whole mess
broke last January that at the end of the year President Clinton
would still be in office but Newt Gingrich wouldn't, I would have
laughed aloud. Just shows you the results of pushing things too
far. The Republicans thought they could destroy him, but all they
did was destroy themselves. In a way, I'd like to see them make
the next stupid move and vote to impeach. Knowing them, they
probably will. And in doing so, they'll only make it worse for
themselves. Extremism almost killed the Democrats. Let's see how
far the Republicans want to go down that road. So far, they show
every intention of doing so.
What's Up, Sport?
10/20/98
I am an avid sports fan, but right now is a tough time for
people like me. In baseball, I'm a Braves fan, and we all know
what the Fall Classic means for them. (Yes, a precipitous fall.)
In basketball, I'm a Tarheel born and a Tarheel bred. With the
departure of Jamison and Carter to a league that, for all
purposes, doesn't even exist, Carolina goes from being a sure
preseason #1 and a favorite for their sixth visit to the Final
Four in the 90s to a team that will have trouble in the ACC and,
horror of horrors, might not even make the NCAA Tournament. In
football, I'm a Carolina Panther fan, who at this writing are 0
and 6. Oh woe is me, what shall I do?
I shall go on rooting for all my teams, as any true sports
fan should do. What is all this moaning about winning? I love for
my team to win more than anybody, but when they lose (and every
team does), I don't kick them, gripe about them, leave the game
early, or switch allegiances. I'm not one of those who wants to
scrape himself up jumping on and off the bandwagon.
"Fan" is short for "fanatic," isn't it?
My wife and I were lucky enough to buy season tickets to the
Panthers this year. We'll be at every game, from beginning to
end, and we'll have a great time, win or lose (although a win,
and soon, would be great!). This week at the Buffalo game, there
will be many jerks wearing bags over their heads. I'm giving
warning right now, if you walk by me, I'm going to give you a
swift kick in the butt! That's not the way it's supposed to work,
sports fans. Ask people in Tampa Bay, Green Bay, Philadelphia,
Pittsburgh, or Chicago what being a fan means. All those cities
(and all teams, really) have suffered long losing spells. Some
have gone on to glory. Others still suffer. But those fans know
what sports really mean. Around here, maybe we're learning.
In Lies, Does Size Matter?
9/25/98
So the line is, "It's not about sex, it's
about lying." As I said, actually it's about lying about
sex. But that's still a lie, right? So let's compare that lie to
other presidential lies. How about the Gulf of Tonkin lie, which
led to our increased involvement in Vietanam, and the subsequent
death of over 50,000 Americans, not to mention many many more
Vietnamese? How about the secret bombing of Cambodia lie? Or the
Iran-Contra lie? Or the Star Wars lie? Or the Gulf War lies? We
didn't impeach any of those liars. Of course, those lies were
about death and destruction, so that's okay. This one's about
sex. Oh my goodness! We can't have that in America, can we kids?
(We want to shield our children from the pornography of the Starr
Report, but nobody shielded us from the pornography of body bags
on Walter Cronkite.)
Hypocrites Throwing Stones!
9/23/98
It boggles my mind to hear these Republicans
spout off about morality and ethics. It's a wonder lightning
doesn't strike them all and char them into a tiny heap of
pathetic cinders. Besides the "sinners" we already know
about, there are many many others who would be eligible to wear
the new scarlet letter--if the truth were told! Hey, here's an
idea: let's spend millions of dollars of our tax money and
investigate the private life of every single Congressperson and
see what we can find. Ready for that, Newt? Ready for that, Sue
Myrick? I didn't think so. Now, think about Shirley Jackson's The
Lottery. Stones ready, kids!
GOP Debacle!
9/22/98
Boy, did the Republicans goof it up this time! Instead of
causing the American people to rise up in outrage, light their
blazing torches, and storm the castle to overthrow the evil
monster, the people seem if anything to be more sympathetic to
President Clinton, more willing to forgive him, more eager to see
this whole ugly mess reach a conclusion. The video gave us a
stark picture, with Clinton all alone, sipping his Diet Coke, the
faceless persecutors offstage, hissing and barking and yapping at
him relentlessly. And what did they get? No new charges, no
evidence of subornation of perjury, no witness tampering, no hush
money. So all they have is that Clinton had a sleazy extramarital
affair and lied about it. High crimes and misdemeanors? From what
I understand the Constitution to mean, I don't think so.
The Republican strategy has not only failed, but backfired. I
have high hopes now that they will actually lose seats in
November over this! Keep pushing, GOP. It's fun to watch you
continue your worst political miscalulation since the government
shutdown in 1995 (which, ironically, is what threw Bill and
Monica together). Who said there's no fun in politics?
On the Trail of the Red Herring
9/21/98
Well, the videotape and other material is out, and everybody
had to miss their soap operas to see this Republican-produced
alternative. I've only seen an hour or so, and heard an hour more
on the radio, so I can't really comment yet. But what struck me
is the long path we have taken to get to this sorry point. The
Congress, the media, and the American people have become so
fixated on the salacious details of this sordid sexual affair
that we have lost sight of the bigger picture. How did we get
here? I suggest that we have followed not just a red herring, but
a series of red herrings. Red herring number one is the
Whitewater land deal. The Clintons LOST money on that. Okay, we
can't get him on that. Let's try Filegate. Won't work. Let's try
travel office firings. Nope. Now let's try Vincent Foster's
"suicide." Nothing there? Fetch up Paula Jones and
sexual harrassment. That gets thrown out of court. Hmm...I wonder
if he ever had sex with anybody? Bingo! Now we got him!
The ultimate red herring is to say, "It's not about sex,
it's about lying." Not quite right: it's about lying about
sex. Consensual sex. Not sexual harrassment. Not an abuse of
power. Not even perjury (how can you commit perjury if the case
is thrown out of court?). Okay, he lied about a consensual sexual
affair. If the Republicans want to impeach a president for that,
they should get on with it. But let's stop the endless chain of
red herrings. It's time to get on with it. My mountain kinfolk
have a term for this that I'll paraphrase: do your
"job" or get off the pot!
Republican Strategy Wrong, Will Backfire
9/18/98
I think the Republicans are abdicating their duty if they
release Clinton's grand jury testimony to the public. They say
the American people need all the information. We don't need any
more information! We already have WAY too much. Besides, the
American people are not making any decisions in this matter.
That's why we elect the Congress. Maybe they don't have the
political guts to hold impeachment hearings, especially on a
matter they know many of them also have some guilt, if the truth
came out. I think they're just trying to sway public opinion so
hard against the President that he will have to resign. That's
what they were trying to do by their hasty release of the Starr
Report. Much to their surprise, that didn't turn the tide of
public opnion against Clinton. Now they'll try using his
testimony to do the same. If that doesn't work, next will come
the Tripp tapes. Then maybe a little phone sex. I think the
American people are too smart for this. Just do your jobs! If you
have the guts for it.
Your Mileage May Vary