Idiots
Last Updated: Sunday, October 22, 2000 04:26 PM
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had
never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that
it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just
signed on the receipt. So, I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt... As luck would have it, they
matched.
IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my
boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?"
Thinking he was kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He
replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP Environmental, Health &Safety Handbook for
Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.
Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he
got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be
the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and
clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of
time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind
the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had
iceberg.
Email me - zzhumphreyt@mail.com
